


What about us?

by fionabnd



Category: Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit RPF
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Death, Español | Spanish, F/M, Handcuffs, Jealousy, Makeup Sex, Oral Sex, Sad Ending, Sex, Smut, Spanking, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-28 18:56:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18762406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fionabnd/pseuds/fionabnd
Summary: “Ever since you went on trial, everything changed. And then, you became a professor in Harvard and don't get me wrong, I'm proud that you did, but- it's like we don't live in the same world anymore,” you sadly confessed.You could see the tears in his eyes, which brings some in yours.





	What about us?

**Author's Note:**

> I want to apologize if it's not grammatically correct but English isn't my mother language. I'm doing my best ❤️
> 
> A special thanks to @madpanda75 who took time to edit my smut part!! ❤️

“It was not up to you to unplugged that baby, Rafael!” you finally spoken up. It’s been too long since you kept this inside of you, not to hurt your boyfriend, but today, you couldn't hold it anymore. Not after he accused you of changing since he quit the DA's office. “You changed, Rafael. I didn't,”

But he was out of words. Living with what he did is hard enough, he didn't need to know that you were mad at him for doing it. “Ever since you went on trial, everything changed. And then, you became a professor in Harvard and don't get me wrong, I'm proud that you did, but- it's like we don't live in the same world anymore,” you sadly confessed. You could see the tears in his eyes, which brings some in yours. “Please, say something,” you pleaded him. His silence was too hard to handle.

“I think there's nothing left to say,” He got up and went straight to his bedroom.

After silently crying for several minutes, you decided to pack a few clothes. He was on his bed, his back turned to you. He didn't say anything, didn't look at you. You left and went to Fin's place, you know you could always go there. That night, you and Fin drank beers and played video games until the sun rises.

“Rough night, Detective?” ADA Peter Stone smiled at you. This was something Rafael could've totally said. Before.  
“More like a sleepless one,” you yawned, almost falling asleep above your coffee.  
“I can relate. But my solution to this isn't the best one,” Peter confessed.  
“You go out, get drunk and bring a girl for the night,” this wasn't a question. You knew it, just like everyone else from the squad. And that's something Peter didn't expect at all.  
“Y-yeah, something like that.” He cleared his throat, embarrassed, before leaving you alone with your cup of coffee.

You stayed at Fin's for a week. He didn’t call or text you. Your days were okay, you completely focused on work to avoid any thoughts of Rafael. But it was different at nights. Alone on the couch, in the dark, you couldn't stop thinking about him. How was he? What was he doing? Was he with someone? Were you right to leave? In a week, you probably slept about ten hours. Your body was weak, you found yourself shaking from time to time because of all the coffee you've been drinking to keep you awake.

On the second week, you fainted in the middle of the squad room while everyone was working on an important case. Liv was about to call 911 when you came back at you and pleaded her not to do it. She reluctantly accepted but forced you to take two days off. Everybody knew something wasn't right with Rafael, but no one dare to ask.  
“I have to go back to my office, I can drop her at Fin’s,” Peter offered and he helped you to walk to his car. He was holding your body so close to his, you almost felt safe for a few seconds.

“Does your solution really work, Stone?” You asked without looking at him. You did not realize you wanted to ask it until it came out from your mouth.  
“For a few hours, yes sure. But the sadness and loneliness quickly come back, and sometimes it's even worse because you feel guilt about your behavior,”  
“Then why do you keep doing it?”  
“Because it easier than admitting that- I'm absolutely not okay,” you heard his voice cracked, you turned to look at you and he sadly smiled at you.  
“I'm sorry I asked,”  
“Don't be. You are not judging me and it feels--good,”  
“Who am I to judge? Look how desperate I am,...”  
“Going through a breakup is never easy.”  
“Who told you Rafael and I broke up?”  
“No one!” He answered. “It's obvious. You have been living at Fin's for two weeks, and--you lost your smile and happiness,”

Shortly after his sentence, Peter parked in front of Fin's building. He offered to help to go upstairs but you gently refused. Ten minutes later, you were sleeping on your co-worker's bed, with your clothes on, even your shoes.  
When you woke up, it was dark outside. You had no idea what time it was but you heard noises in the kitchen, Fin must be home already. But instead of a tan skinned man with dark hair, you saw a tall blond guy in casual clothes. “Stone?” You mumbled, still half asleep. He turned around with frying pan in his hand and he smiled.  
“Sorry, did I wake you up?”  
“No-” you sat on the couch, in the lotus position, “But what are you doing here?”  
“Fin had to work late, probably until tomorrow. He asked me to come and check on you, and I decided I would cook you something,”  
“You didn't have to,”  
“Can you just say “ _Thank you, Peter_ ”?” He joked.  
“Thank you, Peter,” you repeated with your best imitation of him.  
“Not even close,” he laughed.

He continued to cook, staring at you a few times. You were sleepy and weak. He didn’t want to bother you so he decided not to talk. He finally gave you what he cooked; potatoes, green beans and a steak. “Fin didn’t have a lot of choice in his fridge,” he apologized.  
“That’s great, don’t worry,”  
You forced yourself to take a few bites, but you noticed Peter putting his coat on, ready to leave. “Not eating with me?”  
“I assumed you wanted to be alone,” you stayed silent for a few seconds.  
“Please, stay, I don’t want to be alone right now,” you cried.

You managed to avoid your tears for two weeks, avoid how painful this actually was, but you were not strong anymore. You completely broke in tears in front of Peter who felt helpless. He sat next to you, put his arm around you and brought you against his chest. You don’t know how long you cried in his neck, but he didn’t move. He didn’t say anything, just let you cry on him for as long as you needed to.  
When you calmed down, Peter had a whole plan in his head. He left you for fifteen minutes and came back with ice cream, snacks, two dvds, and wine. “Girls’ night?” you mocked.  
“If it can help, take me as your girl friend,” he winked, “I remembered you said _Moulin Rouge_ was one of your favorite movies,” he showed you the first dvd, “and that you also love disaster movies,” the second one was _Deep Impact_.  
“You really are an attentive man, Peter,”  
“Only when I care,” he confessed but immediately felt embarrassed about it.

Ice cream and wine didn't last long, it was gone before the end of Moulin Rouge. You knew this movie by heart and sang all the songs from it. Peter never saw it and was surprised by the end, where Satine dies on stage.  
“Seeing your lover dying must be the most terrible thing,” he said.  
“Probably, but it's also the only way it will last forever,”  
“Don't you believe in forever love, marriage and everything?”  
“Do you?” you sarcastically laughed.  
“I like to believe that there is this one person for everyone. So I can still hope I'll find mine,” his eyes met yours. You actually could see the hope in it and you got lost in it for a short moment.  
“I thought Rafael was mine,”  
“Maybe he is. Even if there are hard times,-”  
“Something broke the moment I learnt about what he did. It was like--my Rafael couldn't have done that, you know? I try so hard to understand but I can't. It was not his choice! Not his baby!”  
“It explains why you did not reject me like the others, and to be honest, if you had not been there, I wouldn't have accept the position,”

You couldn't resist and kissed Peter. You don't really know why, you just did. He kissed you back for several minutes but stopped when it started to become intense. “I don't think it's a good idea, you need some time,” he whispered, “I don't want to be like a rebound, y/n- I'm in love with you, since the first time we met,”  
“Can we at least spend more time like this together?”  
“My door is always open for you,”

Fin came back home around 7am and found you and Peter sleeping in each others arms on the couch. Peter was the first to hear him, he slowly got out off your arms without waking you up. “How is she?” Fin whispered.  
“No good, I think she’s really lost,”  
“Liv saw Barba this weekend, he is not good either. Maybe they should see each other and talk but they are two stubborn pain in the ass,”  
“I can hear you, Tutuola,” you mumbled, eyes still closed.  
“Good, so get up and go talk to your professor. Be less stubborn than him,”

Maybe Fin was right. You sat up to find Peter’s eyes on you, he nodded. You took a quick shower, and when you got back in the living area, the ADA was gone and Fin was drinking his energizing drink. “Peter told me what happened. I’ll have to burn my couch now, thanks!”  
“What?” you almost yelled, shocked.  
“Good, I just wanted to be sure nothing happened,” your eyes went big.  
“Fuck you, Odafin!”  
“Yea, I love you too. Now, go to your place,”  
“You are so throwing me out!”  
“I simply want my crazy best friend to be happy again,”

You kissed him on the cheek and did as he told you. On your ride, you texted Peter to thank him for his company, and friendship. When you got to Rafael’s apartment, he was already awake and ready to go to work. His suits were long forgotten now, as a professor, he dresses with jeans, shirt and a casual jacket. But whatever he wears, he is still unbelievably handsome to you. And apparently, he forgot how to shave lately. You’ve always asked him to let his beard grows but he never did before. He did not move when you got in, he barely looked at you, too focused on his laptop. “Hi,” you shyly said.  
“Mornin’”

It went back to complete silence. None of you knew what to say or what to you. Rafael found his cup suddenly very interesting. It was actually a gift from you; _“coño”_ was written on it. A pet name, Rafael loves to use during sex with you.  
“Um, I just came to take some stuff,” you lied but you wished he would say something.  
“You know the way, I touched anything that’s yours,” you started to walk to the bedroom but you stopped before opening the door.  
“Rafael, can we talk? I-I don’t know what’s going on and it drives me crazy,”  
“You left,” he simply answered.  
“You made it pretty clear. And you didn’t hold me back when I packed,”  
“Why should I have, y/n? You don’t look at me like you used to, since-” he stopped and took a deep breath, “how disappointed are you?”  
You stayed silence a couple of seconds, and lean yourself against the wall, “It’s not disappointment, Rafa. It’s more like misunderstanding- How could you do this?” Rafael stood up to get closer to you and he sat on the armbar of the armchair, with his arms crossed.  
“When I was with Maggie, looking at baby Drew,- she made me think of you, so bad. Strong and weak at the same time. I couldn’t-” his eyes watered, “I couldn’t stop thinking about- what if it was us? Our baby? I was sure you would have been like her; wanting to let him go but incapable of doing it. He deserved to be free and so did Maggie,”

You didn’t say anything, just walked to him and hugged him. His face got buried on your neck, his arms around your wrist. You kissed his hair and two of you stayed like for several minutes. It felt good to have him against you, his touch, his breath on your skin, his scent in your nose.

“Rafael?” you asked, confused.  
“Um?”  
“Why is there two glasses on the kitchen counter?” you asked, letting him go a bit. He turned his face to look at the glasses, “Don’t tell me both are yours,” you moved and took one glass in your hand, “Unless you’re wearing lipstick now?” Rafael sighed. He hasn’t done anything bad but he knew you were not going to like his answer.  
“Kelly wanted to make you I was okay,” you sarcastically laughed.  
“Kelly, huh? So, you’re having a drink, alone in our apartment with the girl who is crazy about you. Seriously?”  
“She can feel however she wants about me, I don’t care and neither should you.” you came back closer to you. Jealousy has always been a huge part in your relationship with Rafael, from both sides.  
“So you won’t care to know that I spent a moment with Peter? Eating ice cream, drinking wine, watching-”  
“Shut up,” he angrily said.  
“Are you jealous, Rafael?” you smiled, happy that he felt the same way as you.  
“I saw the way that bastard looked at you during my trial,”  
“Which is the same way that bitch looks at you!”

 

 

Rafael stood up and you were trapped between his body and the wall. “I’m not interested in her. Are you interested in him?” His lips brushed yours and his hands found their way under your shirt. He knew exactly how to drive you crazy.  
“Maybe,” you whispered.   
“I’m going to make forget about este pendejo,” Rafael kissed you eagerly, his tongue quickly finding its way to yours. Your body shivered from head to toe, and Rafael moved his lips to your neck, where he left bite marks and bruises. That meant you were his. He wanted to make sure Peter would see them. “Strip for me,” he ordered in your ear. You were still stuck between him and the wall but you did as you were told. His eyes went dark as he looked over your perfect naked body. His clothed body pressed against yours and he started to kiss every part of your skin. When he got on his knees, Rafael firmly grabbed one of your butt cheeks, and he kissed under your belly button before going down on you, teasing your pussy. “Damn, Rafael,” you moaned.

  
“Call me Rafael one more time, and you’ll regret it,” he warned, still lapping at your center.  
“I want you, Ra-fael,” you provoked him. He immediately got up and smirked. One of his hands tugged your hair, while the other undid his pants to let his hard cock free.   
“On your knees,” he ordered once more. You did not move at first, simply smiling at him but he pulled a bit your hair to get you down. His hands never let your hair go while you sucked him hard. It didn’t last long before Rafael came down your throat, taking both of you by surprise. He always managed to control himself, no matter how excited he was. But he missed you so much. You swallowed every drop of him and smirked, “So soon, Rafael?” you teased.   
You stood up and he kissed you, tasting himself on your tongue. “Don’t worry about that, we are not done yet,” he picked you up and walked to the bedroom where he lay you on the bed. You watched him as he got naked. “All fours,” he ordered, but you laughed at him and didn’t move. He perched himself above you. “I hope you did not forget our safe word,” he kissed you on the neck and took off his expensive tie. He made you turn around on your stomach and tied your hands to the bed frame. Your long hair covered your back and your ass was fully exposed to him. He loved this view so much, it took a lot of self control not to fuck you right there, right now. He rubbed your ass a few seconds before laying your body on his lap. “So, you called me Rafael 7 times since you got here and disobeyed me twice. Let’s make it to ten, the last one will make you regret you even talked to Stone.”  
  
Rafael started to spank you, both of you loved it. He rubbed your ass between every spank. It turned red around the fifth one. He took his time for the last one. “Who do you belong to?” He asked.   
“You,” you moaned.  
“Who?” He asked again, wanting you to say the word.  
“Papi,” you finally said. Rafael saved you from the last spank, he simply brushed your cheek and kissed it. “Good girl,” he said between kisses. He made his way to your neck, his cock between your legs. Rafael could feel how wet you were.   
“I want you inside of me, Papi.”  
“Not yet.” His lips left your skin and went to your center. He teased you first with his nose and tongue, before eating you like a starving man. Your orgasm started to build, your boyfriend knew your body all too well. When you were about to come on his face, he slowed before finally stopping. You groaned from frustration, you needed to come. “Papi, please,” you whined. Rafael answered your desperate plea and drove his cock inside you in one hard move. You loved it when it hurt, crossing over from pain to pleasure. He thrust into you hard but slow, holding your ass. As he got faster, one of his hands tugged and pulled your hair. You were both loud, the neighbours probably heard the two of you coming hard on each other.   
  
Rafael collapsed on top of you, his member still inside your sheath. As you both caught your breath, Rafael freed your waists and rubbed them a little. “I love you so much, mi amor,” you whispered.  
“I love you too, cariño. Never again?”  
“Never again.”  


 

**

Rafael had class only in the afternoon, you told about you fainted in the squadroom and that Liv gave you two days off. The two of you laid on the bed, cuddling and finding each other again. It felt good, it felt right. “Hold on, I need to show something,” Rafael came back ten seconds later with his laptop and got back next to you. You rested your head on his chest and played with his hair, while he found what he wanted to show you.  
“What is this? Do you want to move?” The website was about apartments and houses to rent.  
“Us,” he answered, “I like this apartment but it’s really far away from Harvard. I’ll be less tired if I didn’t have to ride almost two hours in the morning and do the same at night, what do you think?” Rafael seemed really excited about it but you were not.  
“It’s not that I don’t want to, baby, but I can’t. I can’t be that far away from work, in case of emergencies and you know we have a lot of it,”  
“Which is why, I made a few calls. They are looking for a Sergeant, in Homicide crimes there,”  
“Homicide? I-I don’t want to leave SVU, Rafa and most importantly, I’m not a Sergeant,”  
“You can be in a few months, no doubts you’ll pass the exam,”

You sat up to face your boyfriend. “Are you serious about all of this?”  
“Of course! It could be a brand new start for us,” Rafael realized you were not excited at all about this idea. “Don’t you want this?”  
“I don’t know. It’s a lot. I’ll have to leave everything- my job, my place, my friends. That’s not something I thought about before,”  
“Yeah, but what about us?”

The two hours that left before Rafael had to go to work were like before. Not much talk, misunderstanding, different desires. You didn't think about moving from Manhattan before and that's not something that you want. You love living here, being at SVU, and your squad, everyone of them. You love Rafael so much but was it a good idea? You could regret not to move, just like you could regret to do it.

In the afternoon, you were going crazy in your apartment, you decided to go to the precinct. Your tiredness was gone, you felt okay to work and Liv knows how stubborn you are. In the squad room, only Amanda was there, working at her desk and Liv's office was closed.  
“Carisi owns me and Fin 20 bucks,” she smiled and quickly hugged.  
“This guy is too naive. And I want 50%,” you winked at her. “Is Liv here?”  
“With Stone,” you sat at your desk, and Amanda update you about the case and the new leads. She needed to go somewhere to talk to someone but Liv didn't want to let her go alone--all pregnant-, Amanda was supposed to wait for her but you offered to go with her. You knocked at her office and waited for her to tell to come in. Peter's face instantly light up when he saw, he couldn't help but smile. Liv were not as pleased.  
“y/n, I said two days!”  
“I know but I'm fine boss. I promise! I'm going with Rollins,”  
“No, I am. You drive Peter to his office and wait for the warrant,” you nodded.  
“Ready, counselor?”

During the ride, you and Peter avoided talking about the night before and Rafael. Kissing him was a mistake but a part of you don't regret it, and you felt bad about it. All you talked about was the case, until you got into his office. “The warrant should be here in 10 minutes,” he took off his suit jacket and rolled his sleeves over. “Coffee?” he offered and you accepted. It was a bit awkward.  
“Are you back with Barba?” your only reaction was to crashed on the couch and sighed. “Sorry, you may not want to talk about it,”  
“It's not- I don't think you're the person I should talk with,” Peter got off his chair to sit next to you.  
“I can put my feelings aside and be a perfect impartial friend,”

You couldn't hold it. “Rafael wants to move,” your confession sounded like a complain.  
“W-Where?”  
“Closer to Harvard which means, somewhere I'll have to leave SVU,”  
Peter did his best not to say what he really wanted to. “And do you want to leave us-SVU?”  
“Right now, absolutely not. No matter how hard it is, I love my job. I love the squad, I love Manhattan,”  
“And you love Rafael,” he finished for you and you nodded.  
“I understand that ride to Harvard everyday makes him really tired, and if SVU wasn't about emergencies, we could make a deal but-”  
“He told about it today, right? You need time to think about it, to figure out what you want,”  
“I love my life like this. I don't want anything to change, personally or professionally,”  
“One of it has to,”  
“Thank you, I didn't get that. What would I do without you?” you sarcastically said before laughing and Peter followed you.  
“The real question is- do you still love Rafael enough to give up the rest?”

And he was right, that was the 1 million dollars question. You had no idea about the answer for now. You truly love Rafael but it was not like before. In your eyes, he changed and your love changed with him.

Carmen brought the warrant, Peter hugged you tight before you left his office. You felt guilty to enjoy Peter's presence.

**

You spent the rest of the day focusing on work. Around 10pm, you were still in the office with Sonny and Fin, with no news of Rafael.  
**[To Rafael]** : Are you home?  
**[From Rafael]** : Having a drink with co-workers, I think I'll sleep one of them's couch.  
**[To Rafael]** : OK. Are you trying to convince to move closer to there?  
**[From Rafael]** : Dunno about you, but I'm moving here soon.

You threw your phone on your desk, it almost fell on the ground and it scared Sonny, siting at his desk in front of yours. “fuck! Never do that in front of an armed cop,” one thing people loves about you is that you are so easy to make smile and laugh, even if you were sick or sad or depressed.  
“Does this almost iPhone murder means you'll sleep on my couch once more?”  
“No, don't worry. I don't want to sleep, I don't want to think, I don't even want to be alone,” Fin and Sonny looked at each other and didn't need to talk.  
“I've always wanted to be a part of one of your sleepless night, playing video games,”  
They both turned off their computer and grabbed their stuff, waiting for you to follow. You wanted to refuse but you couldn't resist to their faces and smiles. Before getting to Fin's place, you stopped to buy some takeout and snacks for the night.  
“Do we need all of this?” Sonny asked, looking at all the food on the coffee table.  
“She's eating for two or three,” Fin laughed.  
“ARE YOU PREGNANT?” Sonny misunderstood, you and Fin laughed really hard because of the face he made.  
“Definitely not, but I do eat a lot--always--everything,”

While Fin prepared everything, you explained the game to Sonny, who seemed already lost. When you were about to start playing, someone knocked. You looked at Fin who didn’t look surprised. He opened the door and Peter appeared. “You did not answer, I thought you were already busy,” Fin welcomed him. And that's how you spent your night, playing, chatting and laughing with your friends, and it felt really good. You didn't want to lose it, to lost them. None of them.

Sonny fell asleep around 5am in one of the armchair, you covered him with a blanket and sat back between Fin and Peter who were still playing. “Is it okay for my vision to be blur?” Peter asked, rubbing his eyes for one second.  
“Because you're a newbie,” you mocked him and he elbowed you gently.  
“Damn it Stone, they are killing you,” Fin complained and you got closer to Peter to help him. You could feel the heat from his body and his scent right in your nose. Peter lost his concentration in the game because he was looking at your face, more precisely at the lips he wanted to taste again.  
“Peter Benjamin, I know she is beautiful but we are losing!” you heard Fin said and you turned your face to Peter's. He was so close to you, you could feel his breath on your lips.  
“He has a really gun,” you whispered and Peter turned his attention back in the game, but they were both killed anyway. The apartment went silent a short moment until Sonny started to talk nonsense in his sleep.  
“‘not touch my hair! Do not touch my hair! my hair! Leave me alone! Don't make me- ah-ya,” he made a noise as if he was hitting someone, and he moved his arms like a terrible ninja. Fin, Peter and you had to control yourself not to laugh out loud but the tiredness made really hard. And when you and Fin heard Peter's laugh, you laughed even more. Your stomach hurt from laughing. When was the last time you laugh like this?

After this laughing session, everyone felt really tired. Fin went to his bedroom to sleep two hours, Peter wanted to sleep too but he was happy to alone with you, he didn't want to miss it. “My shoulder is all yours if you want to sleep,” he offered.  
“Thanks but there's no way I'll be up for work if I sleep now,”  
“Wanna go out for a walk?”  
“I need to have my brain focused on something,” you admitted, that was how you reacted to this kind of situation. Overthinking used to drive you crazy.  
“I have a lot of work in my office, if you want,”

What was supposed to be a joke brought you and Peter in his office at 6am, with coffees and work. The ADA was almost sleeping over his papers, “Peter, lay me down for an hour, my shoulder is yours,” you smiled and he didn't have the strength to fight. He laid on the couch, right behind you. “I want more than your shoulder,” he whispered before falling asleep.

**

The shakes came back because of the lack of sleep and too much caffeine. Fin and Sonny were tired too. You were overactive, Sonny could barely keep his eyes open and Fin was… Fin. “Seriously guys, what have you done last night?” Amanda asked.  
“They introduced me to their private parties,” Rollins raised an eyebrow, “Video games,” Sonny yawned.  
“If Liv knows about that, you're in trouble. Especially you, y/l/n,”  
“But she won't know because Carisi is waking up,” you kicked his desk to make him jump from his chair.  
“Stop. this.”  
“Or what? Are you going to- ah-ya?” You imitated himself from last night, during his sleep. Fin laughed remembering it, so did you.  
“It was a fun night, apparently,” Amanda smiled. She loved her crazy squad.

You and Rafael barely saw each other for the rest of the week and you did not talk about the moving thing. You spent most of the time at work or at Fin's. His apartment was your safe place, somewhere you felt home, it was like being roommate with your big brother. You didn't spend time alone with Peter, you were kind of avoiding it. He was definitely in love with you, and this was something you couldn't deal with for now.  
On Saturday, you woke up before Rafael. You decided to prepare breakfast for the two of you. Maybe it was time to have the talk. He woke up an hour later, probably from the smell of coffee and pancakes. “Buenos dias,” he kissed your forehead and took a glass of water.  
“Holà, did you sleep well?”  
“Yeah, but not enough. We can go back to bed after breakfast,” he hugged you from behind as you were cutting some fruits, and he kissed your neck.  
“I'd love to, but you have plans for today,”  
“What plans?” He moved away and sat at the table.  
“I'm going to the video games convention with Fin and Sonny, remember? We bought tickets months ago,” you said as you served him a coffee.  
“That geek thing? Come on, you don't need to go there. Give your ticket to the guys and they will sell it,”  
“I could but- I want to go there with them,”  
“Seriously, y/n? I don't say anything for all those nights you spend with Fin so can we spend this day together? I have a surprise for you this afternoon,”  
“A surprise ? what surprise?” You asked, confused.  
“The thing about surprises is that you don't say what it is,” he smiled. “Please?”  
“Fine,” you agreed.

You texted Fin and Sonny to let them know that you were not coming today, but that you'll be with them tomorrow. You tried to know what Rafael's surprise but the only thing he said was that you needed to be ready for 1pm, because it was not close to Manhattan. While you were putting your makeup, overthinking what his surprise, something came to your mind. You found him on the couch, doing something on his phone. “Rafa?”  
“Yes?” He smiled at you.  
“Please, tell me we are not going to visit an apartment,” His smile faded away. You got it right. That was his surprise.  
“Can we talk about it after we visit?”  
“No!” you interjected, “I didn't say I wanted to move, and you already found an apartment! Come on, Rafael!”  
“Have you at least thought about it?” He asked and you stayed silent. “You care more about your job and your friends than our relationship,”  
“Absolutely not! But you're making all the decisions, Rafa! You quit your job, you took this position in Harvard, you decide to move, you choose the apartment, you want me to leave SVU, you want me to be a Sergeant! I'm not your puppy, I have my words to say!”  
“Ay Dios mio! I just want what is best for us, y/n ! But if what's best for you is to stay a detective in an unit that eats you alive, drinking and playing video games with your friends like teenagers, fine! But I am not a teenager anymore, I want a real and simple life with my woman,”  
“Then you're dating the wrong woman,”

You slammed the door really hard when you left. There was no way you'll let yourself cry right now. You drove to the convention and tried to call Fin and Sonny but neither of them answered. You walked around for 40 minutes before you finally saw Carisi's hair. None of them saw you and you jumped on Sonny's back. “Don't tell me you brought Barba here?” Fin laughed.  
“Nope,” you stool Sonny's beer and drank it in one swallow.  
“Is everything okay?”  
“Perfect, where are we going?”

Fin and Sonny knew that something was really wrong but they knew you too much to ask. You'll talk when you are ready to. After your sixth beer, they agree that it was time to leave, against your will. “Don't make us do the cops,” Sonny warned you.  
“Are you going to arrest me, detective Dominick?”  
“I have my handcuffs in my car,”  
“Handcuffs, I love it!”  
“There are some things you shouldn't say, y/n,” Fin complained. It was like knowing about his little sister's sexuality. They managed to take you to the car, Fin sat with you in the back.  
“It's over with Rafi,” you cried and Fin hold you against him. “But it's like it's been over for months already,” you paused, “we are so different,”  
“We are here for you, you know what? Be my roommate, and everything will be okay,”  
“Love sucks!” you groaned in Fin's chest.

At Fin's place, the guys put you into bed, and had a drink together. Around 1am, you got up, sober. Fin was sleeping and snoring on his couch. What you wanted at this very moment was a bad idea, you knew it but you decided to text Peter anyway.  
**[To Peter]** : Still awake?  
**[From Peter]** : Yea. annoyed on my couch, the TV sucks

When he said “annoyed in his couch”, he didn't mention that he was only in his boxers. He waited for your answer but he did not expect for you to show up 10 minutes later. But here you were, in front of him, his body almost naked. You found yourself staring at his muscular and hairless chest. It was nothing like Rafael but you still enjoyed the view. “Maybe you want to come in?” He offered, to break the silence, “Don't worry, I'll put some clothes on,” you got in, and Peter started to walk to his bedroom but you grabbed his waist to stop him.  
“Can you--hold me?” That was all he wanted to do and he did. You cried again. He didn't say anything or move until you did. You don't really know why but you explained Peter what happened with Rafael. It was hard from him to be impartial, and act like a simple friend. “I really should stop coming to you when I have love issues,” you realized, “I'm sorry, it must not be easy for it,”  
“Right now, my well being doesn't matter. I care about yours, only,” Your lips got close to his. “Please, don’t,” He pleaded, “I don't want you to wake up tomorrow and regret it,” “it would hurt my ego,” he tried to joke.  
“I probably should leave,”  
“I have a guest room, you know,”  
“Even if I don't want to, I think I need to be alone,”  
“Where?”  
“I'll find somewhere,” you hugged him again, kissed him on the cheek and left his place. You spent the night driving around New York, with your music on. Nothing was clearer but at least you cried and swore a lot without being watched and judged.

At 8am, still in your car, you got a phone from an unknown number. “Hello?”  
“y/l/n, it's Isler from FBI, remember me?”  
“Yes sure. Why- Is everything okay?”  
“We need someone to go undercover, and I think you're the perfect pick, can you come to DC today? No time to waste,”  
“I'm already in my car, I'll be here in five hours,”

You worked two times with the Agent Isler before. Once in SVU, and once with your former precinct. Undercover was a part of the job, but this one was the less expected.  
“Are you saying that as for tonight, my squad, my friends, my family--they will all think I'm dead?”  
“Yes, I know it's a hard choice,”  
“I can even say goodbye to them? Let at least one person know the truth?”  
“No, no one has to know about it. If you say yes, your parents will get a call telling them that you died in a car accident,”  
“I just need one favor,”

_“Rafa, mi corazon, mi amor. What happened to us? How did we end up like this? That's not how I wanted things to happened. I wished I could take those past months back. I love you so much, I loved you from the moment I lay my eyes on you. I'll always love you, my sweet love. I'm calling you because I realized something; We all have that one special person. Some of us are lucky enough to spend all their lives with that special one. But there are unlucky people that are not meant for their One. I was not meant for you, I understood that and I'm okay with it. All I want is you to be happy. No matter where you are, with who or what you're doing. You are my One, my heart is yours forever. Te quiero para siempre mi vida.”_

Rafael played this voicemail over and over and over. He was never able to delete it.


End file.
